The Secret Lives of Diaries

What To Do?

Posted in Relationships by secretlives on May 27, 2006

mare said,

on May 26th, 2006 at 6:29 am

Before you all close up shop here, I want to take advantage of your hospitality one more time. I need a place to put in words what I’m feeling and thinking about my marriage right now.

I’m thinking that you can’t change anyone. Nor can anyone change you. I would like for my spouse to be more communicative, to share ideas and perceptions with me, to share feelings and inner struggles. But as I’m able to look at him more objectively, now that the ruckus from our recent uproar has died down, I see that he’s never been like that. He’s never been much of a talker. He does think about things, he’s very bright, he has definite opinions. But he doesn’t thrive on verbal interchange the way I do now.

For me, it has become like nourishment. I crave that kind of connection. I wish I could have it in my marriage, but I just can’t. So, now what do I do? Accept it, be glad for the good stuff I have, find connection somewhere else? Probably, at least for now. The kids need us both. There are other good things in the marriage.

I’ve tried to draw inspiration from some of the words I’ve read here about marriage and how it’s “designed” to help people mature. That is surely right. On the other hand, where does one draw the line? I mean, is it a maturing exercise to stay in an unhappy marriage, where only one of you seems interested in deepening the relationship? Or is that just an exercise in futility?

Anyway, where I am today is acceptance, focussing on the present, reminding myself not to get hung up on tomorrow or yesterday. Acceptance with questions, obviously. Like ice cream with chocolate sauce.

Thanks for listening


Cold Comfort

Posted in Relationships by secretlives on April 22, 2006

Last night he told me he “cared for me a lot”. This was supposed to reassure me. Instead it sank into me like a heavy stone into a pond. It’s been settling deeper into the muck all day. I respect his honesty. I yearn for love.


Moving Onward

Posted in Relationships by secretlives on April 17, 2006


April 17, 2006 

I promised myself that I wouldn’t give up on this marriage until I knew I had done everything I could to help us recover and grow. We’ve had some really painful stuff to go through in the past six years. Out of 24 years of marriage. We’ve done a lot of recovering, but you can’t undo the damage. Just hope to heal some and move on. Lately I find myself asking, how do I know when I’ve done all I can do?

age 47

Thinking of You

Posted in Relationships by secretlives on March 29, 2006

March 28, 2006 

I think of you, my frolicking friend.  Will I ever see you again?  Will we laugh and cavort as we once did?  What became of our easy friendship, our natural connection?  Was it poisoned by dreams?  Thrust away by a guilty heart?  Stowed away forever in a dusty dark corner?  Will we ever meet each other heart to heart as we did before?  Easily, hungrily, connected.


47 for a few more months

Fred’s Lament

Posted in Relationships by secretlives on March 20, 2006

Wacky Wife.jpg


Name: Fred
Age: 50